Understanding Anger and Its Unique Role Among Emotions

Anger is a natural human emotion, but can be distressing to parents when their child’s anger seems to be out of control.

Anger is often displayed in very young (pre-school) children who have low frustration tolerance. In older children, anger can be related to Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Conduct Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or even Depression.

Symptoms of a child with anger issues may include throwing toys; yelling or arguing with adults, siblings, or friends; and hitting or kicking others.

Helping Children with Anger Issues

A child who struggles to control anger will suffer socially. He or she may be shunned by peers, struggle to maintain friendships, have poor sibling relationships, and be labeled “a bully”. In addition, teachers may label him or her a “troublemaker” , and try to contain or isolate the child, leading to further marginalization.

Counseling can help determine the source of your child’s anger. Recommended interventions for children experiencing anger issues include a combination of individual and family counseling, incorporating cognitive and behavioral techniques. If an initial assessment indicates one of the disorders above, these issues will be addressed in counseling.

Techniques may include calming and relaxation strategies, positive reinforcement from family, expression of feelings through artwork, and new techniques for expressing anger in safe and appropriate ways.

If the family is undergoing life stressors, family counseling sessions can help a child work through these feelings and improve coping. Together, these techniques will help a child feel more in control of his or her emotions, increase feelings of esteem, and improve relationships with family and friends.

Redirecting Anger: A "Wrong Way" sign stands as a metaphor for channeling anger positively, guiding us away from destructive paths.

Of all the emotions, anger is perhaps the one that most people have the hardest time dealing with.

That’s most likely because anger is not like the other emotions. It is unique. In fact, a 2017 survey by the Mental Health Foundation of 2000 people found that 28% are sometimes worried about the level of anger that they feel.

While feeling anger can have negative consequences, anger, in general, can move us toward a happier and healthier life.

Here are 5 ways anger is not like other emotions.

1. It’s Motivating

Anger gives us energy. And while other emotions tend to make us withdraw from others and life, anger causes us to want to engage. Anger is the motivator that gets us to interact with other people, perhaps those we feel are negatively impacting our life. Anger is what often catapults us into social situations and events that are necessary to bring about change.

Anger is one activating emotion.

2. Anger is Complicated

Anger is not a singular experience, but rather a grouping of feelings. When we become angry, it is because we first feel something else: marginalized, hurt, disrespected, vulnerable, or neglected. In this way, anger is much more complicated than other emotions.

3. It Yearns to be Expressed

Other emotions can simply be felt silently, but not anger. It wants to be famous, a star, something that everyone knows about. Anger insists that it be expressed out loud. Unfortunately, most people misdirect their anger, erupting at the wrong times and at the wrong people.

4. It Can Be Turned Inward or Outward

While we are directing that anger outwardly, and sometimes toward the wrong people, we can just as easily direct it inward toward ourselves. We generally don’t even realize we are doing it until we have done emotional damage.

5. Anger is Hazardous to Your Health

While feeling sad is uncomfortable, being angry is downright bad for your health. Research has discovered that individuals prone to anger are more at risk for heart attacks and cancer.

While anger can be destructive to relationships and our health, it can also energize us and lead to positive life changes, if harnessed properly. The keys to using anger in a healthy way are to become aware of it when you feel it, recognize the real cause of it and commit to interpreting its message so you can make any necessary changes.

If you are having trouble dealing with feelings of anger and are interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. We would be happy to speak with you about how we may be able to help.